I Love You and "No"

The biggest misconception about developing compassion—for yourself and others—is that being compassionate means you will let people walk all over you and allow destructive behavior to happen without trying to stop it or acknowledge it. 

Compassion empowers us to bring attention to struggles without looking away from them, no matter how painful it might be, and enables us to alleviate suffering any way we can. Compassionate people can say “I love you and no,” to anyone doing harm, even to themselves. 

The next time you find yourself making excuses for or ignoring bad behavior, I hope you’ll try this practice which reconnects me to my steady and clear mind. Find a quiet spot, get still, take a few deep breaths. Just sit for a couple minutes and let yourself rest. When you’re ready, put your hand on your heart and imagine someone who loves you easily. They might be a pet, a relative, an old friend, a teacher or therapist. Repeat to them this phrase silently, “May your actions be courageous and wise.” After a few minutes, imagine you’re together with this loving being, and allow yourself to receive their blessings. Let them say repeatedly to you, “May your actions be courageous and wise.” Finally, consider all of us struggling humans everywhere, and say silently to us all, “May our actions be courageous and wise.”