We're All Dependent

A student said to me last week, “I don’t understand why some people think ‘dependent’ is a dirty word”. I had to smile because I’m one of those people—I want to believe that I can do everything for myself and don’t need anyone. As a result, I hate asking for help and it’s very hard for me to receive. Of course, I know that I’m dependent on countless others for my life and well-being in every moment, for basic needs like air, food, and water. And I also know that my life is deeply enriched through the support of others, from their love, encouragement, friendship, and kindness. But I still resist it. 

Growing up, I was taught that it’s embarrassing and weak to ask for a hand, so I learned to be self-sufficient and go it alone. But as an adult, I’ve learned that taking care of yourself means knowing when to ask for help and how to accept it when you need it, with appreciation and wisdom. The next time you’re stubbornly insisting you don’t need anyone, you might want to try this practice.

Find a quiet spot, put away your devices, close your eyes, and inhale and exhale slowly and deeply a few times. Think of an occasion when someone helped you out—a friend recommended you for a job, a teacher tutored you, a family member listened when you were upset—and silently say “thank you.” Remember a few more of these situations.

Next, take a moment to remember a time when you helped someone out. You recommended a friend for a job, you tutored someone, you listened to a family member when they were upset—and silently say “thank you” to yourself.